Saturday, November 20, 2010

My Real Toy Story

Watching all the Toy Story movies was such a treat for me too. My Ken enjoyed it so much; but for me, it brings me lovely and not so lovely memories of my childhood.

My specials toys, let me see. I remember having a second-hand plastic dachshund. It was red and shiny and previously owned by an uncle. I found it in the storage room, no one objected when I took it. I also have a plush teddy bear, so cute and cuddly. It was so pretty that my second-cousin Myra wouldn’t take no for an answer and took my bear away. I was unhappy; but I hated the way she moaned. It was probably the reason why I didn’t like her much even if we’ve all grown.

So I was left with my dachshund. Its life didn’t last longer as one cousin sat on the poor, old toy and broke the plastic.

Mom bought me a set of plastic building blocks (similar to Lego). Hundreds of pieces scattered the floor. It entertained me to no end. I was busy building trucks, houses, bridges, all sorts of creations everyday. I’ve managed to build all samples shown in the accompanying manual.

Then there were countless puzzles, big ones. I was four years and was managing big puzzles effortlessly. I loved them!

Whenever the town fiesta is held, a small fair (“perya”) would be in town. Riding the carousel, ferris wheel, eating tons of chichiria, was a treat. Before heading home, we will be treated by our father, for some toys on display (they call it “cedera”). I’ve collected water guns, army soldiers, noisy cracker toy, tops, and “tirador”. One fiesta day, I got a plastic doll with blue eyes. It has no real, feel-so-nice hair. The hair was part of the moulded doll, but it has a nice yellow dress and white plastic shoe. The doll lasted for a while, two years to be exact. It met its untimely demise when another cousin threw it down the stairs and landed head-first. It cracked.

No, I didn’t throw tantrums those days. I knew that no amount of tears can repair my toys. I just went away crying and buried my toys somewhere in our garden.

I didn’t get much toys as a child, for there were four of us and my parents has to prioritise needs over non-necessities such as toys. As such, we content ourselves making our own. We love playing bahay-kubo. My brother was such a delight with hammer and nails. He managed to build a wooden trolley (remember those with bearing wheels?”) which we tirelessly ride. He even built a wheelie cart for us. We will never exchange the ride on this cart for his little red trike.

Then we got into wooden stilts! It was all fun balancing and falling.

We also grew up near a construction yard, we played on the forklift and the big dump truck. We hid behind the cement mixer, climbed the big crane, slide on the loader machine and endlessly play and sing at the back of the pick up truck.

On some days, we played mixing actual cement and water and made some creations on the ground (cakes, plates, whatever we can think of).

During summer, our father taught us how to make a kite and how to fly it. It was fun watching our creations flying in the sky!

On rainy days, we delighted ourselves catching some frogs, keeping them in a big can and releasing them eventually. During these days, the nearby rice paddies will form big puddles. We would tie our sticks with nylons cord and hook, put some worms at the very end and sat patiently on the fence. We await our catch of the day. Most of the times, we’ll catch dalag or mudfish. The first few catch, our father will grill the fish and had these for dinner. The succeeding fishing days, we just let the fish go off the hook and back to the puddle. We got tired of grilled mudfish.

On school days, I’ve learned jackstones, a very nice indoor/classroom game. Then I discovered I could jump high, I became queen of the Chinese garter. Later on, there was the tumbang preso, syato, patintero and agawan base. I’ve learned to spin the wooden top. On weekends, I played jolen (marbles) with my cousins; sometimes, “jack-en-poy”. One of my all-time favourite games is “piko”.

Although I was sickly, I managed to get some chance of playing with groups of happy children. Occasionally, we invent games and compose songs to accompany it. We were such a lively bunch! We fight as a team, winning was the goal but to end it all, the camaraderie and fun was the best experience.

I might have lacked the toys of my days; but it never made me feel empty. Even today, I could still see the faces of my “kalaro” (playmates), their beaming smiles and dirty faces, the happy laughters and best of all, we end our games buying “turon” (sweet banana rolls) , ice candy and “samalamig”.

What is your toy story?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Remembering loved ones I never met

Every 1st of November, the entire Philippine country marched down to the cemeteries or graveyards, where their loved ones rest. Due to the endless coming and going of people, streets end up as a huge parking lot. Not a single vehicle moving.


As a child, I seldom go to the cemeteries. I complained endlessly of people squeezing me, not minding there is a little person in their midst. I often end up with painful toes constantly stepped on by everyone.


Once settled in our great grandparents' and my two little sister's "puntod" (or grave), my grandmother will lit up candles and everybody, as if coached, bowed their heads and kept silent for a while.


I never met my great grandparents; just saw their pictures on the wall.

I never met my two sisters, I just know their names. My mom had two stillbirths.


Yet, I was told to love them and I did.


Not mindful of my family, my head was busy turning around. My eyes feasted on various floral arrangements, exquisitely and passionately arranged by the relatives as an offering to their loved ones.


Some families brought in food to last the whole night through. There were strumming of guitars and singing to keep them entertained. There were constant buzzing and smiling. All Saints' Day was a day for gathering and time for family reunions at the cemetery.


I eventually stopped going to the public cemetery as I constantly get myself lost trying to find my way through. I always try to keep a landmark in my head so the following year I could remember where our great grandparents were laid. However, maybe due to the inevitable and countless burials every year, those landmarks kept on missing (or moving).


Recently, all saints day (or during all souls day) have been defined differently. Halloween Day (or Night) has been institutionalized and has become Kid's day, with all the costumes (from superheroes to gory outfits) plus tonnes of sweets and lollies on trick-and-treat night. Nights at the cemeteries has become a huge party (I think) with modern sounds coming from techno-machines (Ipods, Iphones). There were also drinking and card games (pokers, tong-its).


I have my own date for All Saints Day; I actually have two. One is February 6 and the other one is July 10. I lost my two beloved babies on those dates; two consecutive years.


I never met my two babies. The first was 11 weeks; the other one was 8 weeks. Their heartbeats stopped and just felt they left me. I was never told to love them; I just did.


On these two dates, I still cry for my babies and wonder how they have looked. I still felt longing to embrace and kiss them. I also imagine playing with them, together with my Ken.


Though I've moved on, I still feel the pain.


I console myself with the thought that I have two lovely angels looking down at us wherever we go.


I love you, my little lost ones.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Kahon ng Sapatos (Christmas Shoe Box)



Nakakatuwang isipin na sa kabila ng kaguluhan ng mundo, laganap na kasamaan at mabilis na takbo ng teknolohiya ay nananaig pa rin ang kabutihan. Tingin-tingin lang, maraming mga sangay ng pamahalaang lokal or mga "foundations" ang may mga gawaing simple pero alam natin na magdadala ng saya.

Pasko na naman...mahirap ang buhay. Pero kahit papaano, may tayo ay nakakaraos.

Naisip nila ang mga bata sa Africa ngayong Pasko...paano kaya sila?

Isang kahon ng sapatos,

laman ay lapis at kwaderno,

suklay at sipilyo para gwapo,

isang berdeng polo,

at isang "teddy bear"

na dati ay yakap ng anak ko.

Sa Paskong darating, ibang bata ang yayakap kay Teddy. Sabi ng anak ko, "That's my Teddy?". "Yes, it WAS."

Charity begins at home.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Unexpected blessing through unexpected experience

Sunday, 17th of October. We just came home from church. As usual, when parked, I turned off the engine.


My son, Ken, said out loud.."Wait, mommy. Listen." whilst pointing to the player. We were listening to Sandi Patti's "Willing to Wait" when I turned off the engine. I obliged to the request and turned the ignition on again. I thought he just wanted to finish this song. When he saw that I was to touch the car key again, he said, "Wait!!". Ah, I got it, he was waiting for the next song.


No problem. I sat there and listened with Ken. As the intro music came through, I saw Ken (in the rear view mirror), lifting his arms up, and said "C'mon, do this..". Without much thinking, I joined him in lifting arms, swaying with the music.


Until it struck me...the song's title is " I lift my Hands to You".

As the melody progressed and Sandi's voice came in, I heard Ken singing the words as best he could. Some were inaudible for he cannot pronounce them all correctly yet, but he knows the tune. As I saw him enjoying and immersed with the singing, a thought made me wonder if he could (deeply) understand the words of this praise song.


I sat back, sang with him and Sandi, as the lyrics came back to my memory, I felt a quickening in my spirit. I felt the Lord's presence. The Lord is here with us, basking in the innocent praise being offered by Ken. My tears flowed, and my heart was overwhelmed with joy.


"My watchman, my keeper

Whose eyes are ever on me

I wander, You find me

And rescue me from danger

My blessed Redeemer

Spared not Your Son to save me

You cleanse me and crown me

With great love and compassion".


The song has stopped, yet my heart is still full of joy from this short and unexpected experience.


Then the word of the Lord came, Romans 10:11 "Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed."


I was still in tears when I led him out of the car, "What's the matter, mommy?" I could only hug him as I thanked God for the encounter.


Someday, he will read through my notes/blogs to find the answer.



NB:

When I was pregnant with Ken, I constantly played this CD on my player for hours. I listened during my long hours of bus rides. I listened at night until I fell asleep and sometimes wake up with the headset still on my ears. I listened whilst reading. I just listened and listened to this CD endlessly. I even placed the headset on my tummy, hoping he will hear the song clear enough.

He listened to other CDs too (whilst in my tummy). I'll write about them, maybe next time. ;)

Friday, October 8, 2010

My God is Big!


On my lazy-boy chair whilst fiddling with my laptop, a classmate of long ago asked about my boy. Again, memories flashed back before we had our Kendrich.

Alain and I got acquainted in a local christian church in Makati. 'Twas a whirlwind romance; he courted me for three months and six months after formalising our relationship, have decided to wed in a civil ceremony. Of course, not everyone is happy. Most were surprised and kept querying if I'm pregnant. I do felt nobody believed whenever we answered "No" and I had those eyes following me and my tummy to bulge anytime or sooner.

But four years had passed and the tummy did not bulge. I just feel numb whenever someone will come to me and ask, "is there a bun in the oven (may laman na ba)?" Oftentimes, i just wish that the earth will open wide and engulf the person in front of me. Mustering a smile, and a negative headshake, I move away and hoped not to bump to anyone with the same question. It is not a matter of being concern by some, more likely to be curious or plainly insensitive. I hope they just keep their mouth shut and MYOB (mind their own business).

Alain doesn't worry if we have a child or not. It made my life easier to cruise.

However, the big question didn't go away.

We've decided to have a thorough check. He went first; the results were fine. My turn and the result was devastating. The OB-gyne said that I cannot bear a child due to endometriosis. I went for a second opinion, third, and fourth. From one specialist to another; I even had the specialists to well known personalities and the answers came back the same. It was deafening and heart-wrenching.

An operation is required but the chance of having a baby is very, very small even nil. The cost of the operation is equivalent to buying a brand new car.

One night in June 2004, Alain and I talked about it, with all our hearts. We agreed to pray, one last time, for this item. In my heart I told God, "This will be the last time I will ask for a baby; and after tonight's prayer, I will not raise the request again and will totally accept His will for us".

Alain laid his hand on my tummy, "Dear God, if you are willing, please open Aileen's womb. We want a healthy baby boy." We cried with relief.

For the next month, I engaged in strenuous exercise to keep my mind busy and my body healthy. I actually have set the item aside. I played badminton 30 hours per week; 6-8 hours per day! I developed a passion for the sport that there is no stopping me going to court whenever I don't have work! (You see, i used to lecture 2x a week, which leaves me plenty of time to play!).

I also became competitive, joining local competitions and winning. It was badminton, badminton, badminton. Alain also picked up the sports and became my playing partner.

Came August 2004, as I preparing to finish the day, I noticed my stock of feminine napkin. It occurred to me that they were untouched and un-opened. I just shrugged the thought, "maybe I just lost count...yeah, I think I had my period last month..that's it."

However, the question didn't go away.

I rushed to the pharmacy the next day and bought a pregnancy test kit. "C'mon, girl, are you making a fool of yourself?" I proceeded with the home test anyway. Moment of truth, "I am a good sport." convincing myself.

There was two purple lines.

Was I ecstatic? No. I rushed back to the pharmacy and bought another home test pack. I planned to do the test again when Alain comes home from work.

And again, there was two purple lines.

We both felt surreal. It was unbelievable. We went to a different OB the following day to have a sonogram.

And Lo! There were 2 tiny balls in my tummy. The doctor said that the other one is the tumour that is feeding on my "eggs" and blood. She was explaining some more; but I could barely understand her anymore. I am pregnant!

But the tumor poses danger to the fetus...it may "eat" it and not survive. Quickly, Dra. Martinez gave me doses of injections and oral medications for the next 4 weeks. I need to be checked weekly for the progress.

Week after week, I saw the tumor receding in size and my baby growing. By the time he reached the 6 months, the tumor was gone and only my boy in my uterus! My boy is a fighter!

April 2005, I gave birth to my baby boy, Kendrich Moses Daya. Kendrich meaning "Jehovah has remembered"; and Moses for the patriarch.

The question has been answered; God is a miracle worker. He is bigger than any other health issues like infertility. To God be the Glory!







Araluen Botanic Garden in Roleystone



I am a big fan of gardens. I love the refreshing atmosphere the environment brings. Different flowers and their varieties are amazingly fragrant and colorful! I am so thankful that my husband share my enthusiasm to go garden-hopping whenever possible. He knew my passion for taking pictures and scenic views. Flowers, animals, plants and trees are beautiful subjects. You don't need to direct them, their natural beauty exudes without effort.

I am grateful to the volunteers (not only in this garden but also in other gardens), who take time off in beautification and caring the environments. We salute you.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Celebrating Fatherhood

Australia celebrated Father's Day yesterday, 5th September. People smirked at the thought of institutionalising this day, and commercialising it. Department stores, pharmacies, hardware and auto shops, plus a host of other establishments, have come up with discounts and promotions enticing buyers/families to buy something for the man of the house.

One could exercise short arms and deep pockets, as a choice. But coming into terms, having a day to thank fathers is a good day to remind us to be grateful to them. Much is given to "mother's day" and mother's portrayed as our "angels" (because they are). However, our fathers share half as much of who we are today (or maybe, who we're not).

We have "father memories" or recollections of our times being with our father. What do you keep in your "father memory"?

The book of proverbs has mentioned "Fathers" twenty-six times. It has written down the roles, the responsibilities of the fathers for his children and wife.

Proverbs 17:6 "Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers." We are not just bound in the present time, but should look toward the future. "What will my children think of me when they look back?"

Few weeks ago, as I send off my boy to his class, I overhead the school secretary asking a 7-year old girl who was absent several days from her class. The little girl's response was, " Troubles at home, madam. My father was in jail again." Ten or twenty years from now, she'll look back and would definitely still have this impression carved in her heart.

Fathers are their children's lifelong instructors. Proverbs 3:21 "Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding." At home, is it always, "Ask your mom about that."? Of course, moms share the discipline part but one do find it different when dads enforce and maintain the boundaries. It felt more secure.

Fathers should teach children about their values and moral systems. In a relationship, the male is always viewed as the protector. He is the protector against harm and also the protector of reputation.

Father should also show their children that they love their children's mother. It is the only way for them to learn how they will treat their spouses when the time comes. Proverbs 20:6 "Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?".

As a father, does your family feel secure and protected? Do you provide emotional support? Are you consistent and fair in enforcing discipline? Do you teach values, beliefs, and morals in life? Are you fun to be with?

Yes, it is a big task to be a father, for the very reason we remember them this Father's day.

We love you dads!!

PS. This picture was taken on last year's Father's day. My husband has to fly back to work 4000kms away from home, so he was not with us this special day. We love you, sweetheart.

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